End of an era - I quit my mountainbike club

This is somewhat of a very sad post. I have decided to end an era by quitting my mountainbike club. It´s a bit difficult to say I got mobbed out, because it is more complex than that. So I won´t rant on endlessly about it. I do not belong at all, and to that effect I decided to no longer belong, if you get my meaning. I founded the club together with JanDark and MountainMaik. I designed the logo (stone drunk on a handkerchief) together with Jan some 13 years ago and contributed a lot to the concept. I invented the name in the first in 1989.

We did this all in memory of a laid mutual friend of ours, Ollie, who died in an accident in China while doing an apprenticeship for Osram (nothing to do with the corporation, however, he died racing a scooter after having a beer too much and wearing no helmet). We founded the whole thing because it was one of his final wishes. It was a great thing, and after an initial period that required a lot of work (from which I never really recovered), the team took off. We shared a lot of great rides and BBQs and fun and races and stunt riding. We explored the woods and rode epics and short fun rides, and it was just as if we could change the world. We made grand designs to small detail to actually change the world... at least Jan and I did. And at first we managed quite well.

But the ratrace did not stop at the gates, so to say, and it entered the whole thing. I fought. But when I realized my efforts where ignored, I at first quit my position as second chairman, for I did not want to have any part in the turn the club took. I realized my visions (social work, working with difficult and "normal" kids alike to bring them together and create rookie riders, workshops and the like) could not be realized with the team, which was at that time run exclusively as a CC-team while stating otherwise by also addressing freeriders, downhillers and dirtjumpers and the would-be, newly arising enduro discipline of mountainbiking. I fought. I lost. Business as usual, and I did not give up, and slowly, but finally the club adapted to modernity and nowadays there even is an enduro squad actually doing some races. Of course this was not exclusively due to my efforts, Jan again had a big part in it, and all of the young guns that came by.

They gave me honours and credits for that, for they had the misconception I did this for my personal prestige, when all I wanted was to discuss my vision. I put a lot of energy into this club, and, fact is, I had a burn-out last year. I have worked on that, but the constant sabotage and plain ignorance by certain important members of the club did not help me having energy. Please do not get me wrong - I do not whine about this. It´s like it is.

And I am sad, that´s all. It was some 25 years of aspects of intense living that now come to an ugly end. Business as usual, that´s what it is. But I simply lack the energy. I feel too tired to try to fight on for a doubtful success. I am 42 years old and have not time nor mind nor patience for toodling around. Yeah, of course I have a midlife crisis, as everyone has, but I believe it serves the purpose of setting crooked things straight. It is a chance.

Zee Aylienz have cost me dearly, but I have learned a lot by it. Of course the whole deal rendered my motivation for mountainbike riding nearly zero. I fought against it, because I still believe in it being a good thing. And I hope I am ready for a fresh start, for myself and no one else. I have ordered a new frame and will get a new fork set up. To my own devices, and noone´s else.

And the energy I have will go into projects that deserve it. Zee Aylienz don´t anymore.

That´s not to say I wish them any ill, and I hope they put up to the challenges they are faced with. I can´t resist stating that I predicted their momentary "crisis" and was ignored, but I hate to be right, so I´d gladly learn they are capable of coping with it. I sincerely wish the club the very best.

I have learned by experience that I do not belong at all. I say the wrong words at the wrong time to be liked or even heard, I speak my word, whether anyone deems it appropriate or not. Not for me, that´s one thing I don´t get right still. But I have learned that what passion I have I shall keep to myself and my loved ones from now on, and for projects that want it.

To the folks from the club who read this: I wish you happy trails, I hope to meet you on the trail and I hope that we can simply laugh it off and do some shreddin´.  

"Tut Euch nicht weh..." (take care!)

Goodbye.